A Journey of a 1000 Miles Begins with One “Step”

I haven’t blogged for quite some time. I’m feeling drawn back to it for many reasons. When I look back at the blog I published shortly after my husband and I were married, I don’t recognize the woman who wrote it. I miss her.

About Me

I was married at the age of 40. As you have probably guessed, my husband brought some “stuff” to our marriage.  It’s what most people affectionately call … “baggage.” It was not just a cute, little carry-on or even a large, worn duffle. It was a bright, shiny, fire engine red, 10-piece set of fully-packed Samsonite – parked right on our front porch. It was the kind of baggage you don’t wish for anyone … the deep wounds and intense emotions of a broken family – those of my new husband and his 3 children. Since I married and became the stepmom to the owners of all that baggage, that 10-piece set of Samsonite now was piled precariously high and teetering side to side … on “my luggage cart.”

My Step-abilities

I began blogging shortly after my marriage more than 4 years ago. It was an exercise in emptying my overflowing head and grateful heart onto the page. Going from 40 and single … to “fully-loaded” married, with a “crash-tested” husband and 3 “quick-shifting” children was like a brand, new car. It handled great! (Translation: I was overly confident in my “step-abilities.”) I wrote about the experiences of our new family in a blog ... with joy and humor. As the kids (and parents) grew older, the family dynamic continuously shifted. Like that car, after a few hundred thousand miles, the newness wore off, the trunk was full of baggage, the parts began to show wear, the gears started to slip and it started to make a lot of noise. Let’s face it … that new car smell was gone!  I stopped blogging.

Today, with a few additional stepmom years under my belt and “some dents and chips in the paint,” I begin a fresh blog with renewed purpose and a great deal of grace.

You’re One of “Those”

I am a stepmom. “Bonus” mom, “mom-squared” … there is no cute, clever word to make it sound charming or fascinating. The label doesn’t convey the depth of that role in a family or the tears and joys that it brings. No one can understand … unless you are a stepmom.

My husband doesn’t understand … and to be fair, he’s not in this extraordinary role, so he cannot comprehend the daily emotions and challenges. I know his heart aches to understand what I feel inside. My own beautiful, Proverbs 31 mother, who has never been a stepmom, cannot understand the experiences or the emotions. She can be empathetic and offer encouragement, but often, there is silence between us. She doesn’t know what to say or what advice to give. Eventually, I receive the “mom” look of unspoken compassion and a warm embrace.

When I have coffee with other stepmoms, we lay our burdens on the table. You can see the wash of relief and release as we share our experiences, successes and what we consider failures. Over a table of shared experiences, joys, fears and frustrations, we extend each other simple grace.

My Credentials

I have listened to many experts on blended families … oddly enough, most have been men. Even these highly-educated, “experts” don’t get it. They may have PhDs or they may have authored books on the subject, but they are not stepmoms.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am not a licensed therapist or psychologist. I do not have a degree in family counseling. I do not and will never claim to have all of the answers or even the right ones. I am a stepmom to 3 “somewhat-well-adjusted” step children and a wife to a wonderful husband and father. We are all on an imperfect journey together. Those are my credentials.

A Sense of Purpose

My purpose in creating this new blog is to give myself and other stepmoms a voice and a safe place to share … a stepmom collective. I want you to know that you are not alone and whatever you are experiencing and/or feeling is “okay.” Regardless of what anyone says, give yourself permission to feel the way you do. You are entitled. God has given you this role because He knows you have the strength to handle it. However, there are times when we all need to be lifted up, brushed off and reassured that God has a purpose and plan for this one crazy life. My hope is that we’ll discover inner strength in those whose hearts are much like our own.

So ladies, pop the latches, open those bags and get ready. I wanted to start by sharing my background, which is likely common ground for some (I know many of you may have a matching set of baggage on your front porch). Stay tuned, as we start “unpacking the Samsonite.” 

Upcoming Blogs

What the Amish Can’t Teach You About Clown Cars

Learn “A Fact About Stepmoms That Will Make Your Hair Stand On End!”

5 Amazing “Crazy Train” Photos

Why the Next 4 Years of Stepmom Surprises will Smash the Last 4!

From Downhill Skiing to Skiing the Moguls

Who Pushed Humpty Dumpty?!