May I Borrow Your Umbrella For My Emotional Storm?

It’s been an exhausting “season,” physically and emotionally. Our church spent the past week hosting Vacation Bible School. I volunteered to be the director this year. For the past few months, I have rallied the troops, organized people and resources, held regular meetings and played the role of cheerleader all the way to VBS week … and oh, let’s not forget all the e-mails! Our church family literally had their feet on the street — expending energy and resources inviting people, walking in parades and passing out invitations to children in the local parks around our church.

On the first night of VBS … everyone stood, looking at the clock, in our matching church t-shirts … ready to greet the onslaught of visitors. Registration time came and went. The people who walked through the door were those who already attend our church. It was greatly disappointing and emotionally draining after all that hard work and effort to give neighborhood children a fantastic VBS experience. As it turned out, all of that preparation and effort was for our own church kids.

I’ve been thinking about how to recharge emotionally after these past few months. Do you consider emotional self-care after you have suffered disappointment and become emotionally drained? Physical acts of self-care can refresh your energy and stamina, but what about your emotional health? One does tend to affect the other. When we are physical worn out, we can experience strong, emotional reactions to everyone and everything. We lose complete awareness of how and what we are feeling. Therefore, we can’t just recharge physically, we must restore ourselves emotionally. Of course, like all difficult tasks, it is much easier said than done.

Stop Negative Self-Talk

In our professional women’s group, we have had many discussions on negative self-talk. I was mentally hard on myself after the first night of VBS. I was the organizer and director, so the negative self-talk began … why didn’t we reach more kids? A group of us sat in the foyer, on night one, and instantly began analyzing what we could have done differently to make it a success. By the second night, I saw how much fun our own kids were having and the impact we were making on these children who did attend. My self-talk changed. This week of VBS was a success, no matter the numerical outcome.

Change Your Outlook to One of Gratefulness

I changed my outlook from one of beating myself up emotionally to appreciating and seeing the small miracles in front of me … making an impact on children, laughing and enjoying the fellowship of my parents and church family and just having a good time. My attitude became one of gratefulness, realizing that I was not in it alone. Looking for blessings, great or small, can change your entire emotional outlook.

Get Them out of Your Head

Know that our emotions have function and purpose. We have them for a reason. It’s beneficial to spend some quiet time journaling about them, as you have them … get them out of your head. Use the journaling and quiet time to gain awareness of how your body responds when you have certain emotions. Your body’s response provides cues into what types of self-care will bring you back into an emotional balance. When I am anxious about something, my brain goes into overdrive, I can’t sleep and I need to “create” something to bring myself back to “center.” When I am creating, I tend to re-focus and “re-gain my sanity,” to some degree. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and learn from them, even if they are painful.

Talk It Out with a Trusted “Advisor”

I talked out the VBS frustrations with my husband. He’s my cheerleader, spiritual sounding board and vulnerability partner. Everyone needs someone with whom they can confide and receive honest, yet encouraging feedback. My husband is my reality check and barometer. We balance each other out … when I am emotionally out of balance, he brings me back to a place of stability and calm. It’s always helpful to look at things from another person’s perspective.

Find Ongoing Development, Support & Accountability

As a step mom, I have found solace and encouragement in groups of non-judgmental women (they are my “Switzerland” — my neutral party). Some are in the same boat, some are not. An accountability partner, a mastermind group and a professional women’s group have all been effective “spaces” for me to gain validation and inspiration. Managing your self-care requires ongoing development, support and accountability … in the form of other women, devotional time, a coach or mentor, your church family, your pastor … whatever/whomever works best for you and provides the emotional support you need. There are times when you need “Switzerland” to listen and not judge.

Practice Self-Compassion

This is an area where women seem to struggle. Learn to practice self-compassion. There are days when we beat ourselves up for feeling the way we feel, because as women, that’s how we roll. As a fellow step mom, I can say with absolute certainty that you are entitled to whatever feelings and emotions you have. Give yourself permission to have those feelings … you are not alone. Show yourself compassion … “cut yourself some slack.” On days when I am struggling, I can set my world right again by praying for a peaceful heart and reading God’s Word. I remove myself from “the fray” and absorb “quiet, white space.” My space is in a comfy chair, on my newly remodeled front porch, with a good cup of coffee and the warm sun on face – just breathing in and out. Make a effort to discover your own “quiet, white space.”

Seek The Umbrella for Emotional Storms

Emotional self-care helps us better respond to situations in an appropriate manner. God, in his kindness, uses various types of crises and emotional storms to take us to places we would never normally choose to go … without a push. It is in these places, and times of giving it all over to God, that we find “an umbrella” of peace, spiritual freedom and joy in Him.

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27