Mergers, Acquisitions & Takeovers

Recently, our company went through an acquisition. We were the “acquired” party. The result is a stronger, larger company following a six-month due diligence process to make certain we were a “good match.” Throughout those months, we’ve all experienced growing pains. It reminded me of what it felt like when I married into our family … awk-ward! It was “technically” a “merger,“ however, I think my step children viewed it as more of a “corporate takeover!”

On the first day of September, the sale of our company was final and there was a degree of sadness. Long time employees began a grieving process. It was the official end of one company and the beginning of another. I thought about that for a time. I wondered if our children went through a grieving process after I married their Dad. It marked the end of one family and the beginning of another. At the time, I wish I had been more sensitive to those feelings. It was a missed opportunity for open dialogue and greater understanding.

My husband had just worked through his own emotions following his divorce. Then, early in our marriage, I grieved several milestones as they passed. The most difficult of which was that marrying at the age of 40 left us little time to consider having a child together. When we finally agreed to give up that dream, I silently went through the grieving process over not having a child with my husband.

So, picture this … we were a brand new family, including a pre-teen, a teen and a 3 year-old, who spontaneously “stress-vomited” over the slightest change, all living together in various stages of the grief process. It was the perfect storm … complete with hurt feelings and broken hearts.

Following the Merger … When Divestiture is not an Option

I urge you take a closer look at the emotions being projected at you by your step children. It could be part of their grief cycles and the lack of control they feel as they work through their “new normal.” Try to dialogue about it. It is difficult not to take anything they say personally. Just know that it is natural and expected for children to feel an allegiance to their biological parents.

Focus on your marriage. Stressors that arise from the dynamics of your relationships with your step children can “smother” your relationship with your husband. Talk through every issue and change, even if they seem trivial. Small matters quickly spiral into great struggle. Create time for marriage. Mark it on a calendar. Make every effort to be models for our children of what healthy, happy relationships should look like.

Don’t be afraid to hold your husband accountable. He’s never been in your shoes. No matter how well he thinks he would do if roles were reversed, he cannot begin to fathom the degree of strength that it requires to be a step mom. Emphasize to him that it is okay for everyone in your family to have a voice, but it is his role to make certain you are treated with common courtesy and respect.

Finally, do not seek approval or compare yourself to others. Know your worth to your family. You are in the step parent role for a reason and no one can fill it but you. You don’t answer to anyone but your husband and God. Oh! Let’s not forget the importance of your own self-care.

The Big Picture & Long Term Benefits

Over time, I have learned to enjoy the blessings that have been entrusted to me. Looking back, I see that issues and trials became mere moments in time. One day, we will realize how those moments shaped us as a family. Presently, I have come to appreciate the growth in our family. The children continue to mature and develop their own interests and personalities. My older two hang out and catch up. We all “walk on eggshells” a lot less. Our 10 year-old is changing, learning and showing us life through his eyes.

God has blessed me far beyond anything I prayed or imagined. He recently reminded me to look at the bigger picture of the “merger.” In the long-term, mergers and acquisitions hold beneficial value for stakeholders. Everyone survives the awkwardness and growing pains, and together, you become stronger and healthier.